Your Spouse May Be Black, But You’re Still Racist

Interracial Love

My former sister-in-law is Caucasian, originating from the trenches of the low-income Russian slums. Her blonde tresses, piercing blue pupils and pale—almost tanned, but not quite—complexion signify her Whiteness when she enters the room. The pompousness of Whiteness is the looming shadow behind her slim hips. But my Black American brother sidestepped the privileges and the centuries of oppression and put a ring on it.

Their union was blissful and two children were bore from their happiness, until her Whiteness rose without warning or provocation. Purchasing a home out-of-their price range and enduring the subsequent financial turmoil was the catalyst for her arrogance. In a simple exchange between man and wife, she told my brother that the crumbs he was delivering to the kitchen table weren’t enough.

Her exact words were, “You need a better job,” as if the fortune of her White brothers and father would be bestowed on him. My sibling has existed as a Black man for almost three decades. He knows the strife attached to his being, and until that moment, he thought his wife did as well.

This exchange was followed with a verbal onslaught about oppression as a forgotten past without a current imprint. She told him his blackness wasn’t a deterrent and that she was “tired of Black people using slavery as an excuse for not progressing in their lives.”

Their marriage ended soon after and so did the cordial rapport she built with her in-laws, including me. Her White privilege – moving through the world without considering the burden of race – prevented her from seeing my brother’s plight.

Their dilemma and divorce doesn’t differ much from other white folks who believe their interracial relationships preclude them from harboring prejudice or sanctioning racism. In fact, my brother’s clash with his former wife sounds similar to the recent comments of U.S. Senate candidate Scott Schaben, a Republican from Iowa.

In an interview with the Carroll Daily Times Herald about his impending 2014 bid, Schaben claimed his marriage to Latoja Schaben, Iowa State University’s assistant basketball coach, will usher diversity into the Grand Old Party. He said his opponent won’t be able to depict him as a racist since he’s married to a woman of color.

“Let’s see Bruce Braley paint me as a racist with a black wife,” Schaben said.

“Republicans are getting painted as these old, rich, white racists. I’m not old – I’m under 40. I’m not rich – I don’t have a million dollars in the bank. And I am not racist. … That’s one angle that you’re not going be able to take on me.”

Sorry Scott Schaben, sharing a bed with a woman of color doesn’t eliminate bias or racism, especially among Republicans. Dating and wedding interracially doesn’t mean you’re not a racist.

There is little doubt that Republicans have a vested interest in oppressing people of color through social policies that place barriers to citizenship. Republican senators in several states are proposing restrictive voter ID laws that most impact people of color. Clinics that serve women of color and their reproductive needs are being assaulted through regressive legislation. Schools in metropolises with large populations of people of color are underfunded, under-resourced and overcrowded.

Schaben exists within a tradition that uses legislation to oppress. His marriage to a woman of color will not prevent him from supporting or authoring laws that are racist in origin and intent.

My sister-in-law is also a tool of White supremacy, even as she raises two biracial daughters. Though I have little doubt that she loved her husband, I also know that love for one individual didn’t shield her from developing preconceived biases of what Blackness is and how it is performed. She may not view men of color through the lens of George Zimmerman. However, just because she was married to a Black man doesn’t mean she’s immune to her cultural conditioning.

She won’t think twice before clutching her purse or locking her car doors when a group of men of color convene in an area. Her love for one black man will never negate her connecting of Blackness with danger, harm and savagery.

Supporters of colorblind ideologies assert that the rising number of interracial marriages prove race is no longer a determining factor in life’s outcomes. The overturning of anti-miscegenation laws has allowed interracial unions to enter our public consciousness, which is beautiful progress. However, infused within integration is a continually-replicated history that never fades, especially for women of color in Black bodies.

We can date and wed men and women from a myriad of cultures and ethnicities, but can never forget how white men raped our bodies without regard for our rights, emotions and sexual autonomy. These historical narratives matter as we navigate a Barack Obama-led nation where interracial couples are as accepted as apple pie and baseball.

But even in the time of Google and JStor, White folks dating and marrying people of color can never fully grasp the impact oppression had and continues to inflict on our lives. Your spouse may be black, but that isn’t a ticket to the land of understanding.

Much time has elapsed since the Loving v. Virginia ruling, which provided an avenue for interracial couples to wed without legal prosecution and cultural persecution. However, four decades later, we’re still too far from equality, and dating and marrying interracially will never be a solution to these persisting issues.

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47 thoughts on “Your Spouse May Be Black, But You’re Still Racist

    1. You are so busy pointing out the alleged ‘white privilege’ of your ex-SIL that you do not see your own racism, your own ‘black privilege’ (Ayan Hirsi Ali wrote eloquently about this) & your own envy of white women.

      You makes a series of ignorant, racist (you are both envious of & intimidated by this woman) remarks about her appearance, which she innocently inherited. ‘ Her blonde tresses, piercing blue pupils and pale—almost tanned, but not quite—complexion signify her Whiteness when she enters the room. The pompousness of Whiteness is the looming shadow behind her slim hips.”

      In your effort to wax literate, you trumpet your own ignorance. NOBODY has blue PUPILS. Her IRISES are blue. IF her WHITENESS can be labelled as inherently pompous, what do you say of whites who label your BLACKNESS as inherently threatening? All that woman did, so far, is walk into a room!

      You then remark about how she told her husband that he needed a better job. MANY wives of all stripes have said the same. This woman says,’… as if the fortune of her White brothers and father would be bestowed on him.’ SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING OF THE KIND. You read your own racist & profoundly ignorant presuppositions into her words.

      In the first paragraph, you say the woman.’.. originating from the trenches of the low-income Russian slums.’ WHAT FORTUNE & PRIVILEGES DO YOU THINK HER FATHER & BROTHER ENJOYED?!? Whiteness was NOT any kind of privilege in the harsh slums of the post Communist collapse (NOR was it during the Communist era.) You are so intimidated by her appearance, that you have painted her history with an élite, rich American Anglo-Saxon brush that has nothing to do with this woman, her behaviour OR words, her history or her life! You are so snow-blinded that you cannot even see her as a human: only through the lens of your own deep prejudices, your own painful ignorance of Russian history & your own envy of/fear of, whites.

      I am married to a Russian. MANY people both black & white say that they’re tired of hearing blacks use slavery as an excuse for every personal failing (or social dysfunction). For most black Americans, slavery ended in 1864. Then, after a brief reconstruction, came the Jim Crow laws. I know this. What you ignore, is the RUSSIAN EXPERIENCE OF SLAVERY & how RECENT it was!!! Untold MILLIONS of Russians were enslaved in & perished in Russia’s networks of cruel, merciless slave colonies & GULAGS.

      My own father in law had been BORN A SLAVE TO ENSLAVED PARENTS. Let that sink in. While my black father was a free, bilingual man in Canada, my husband’s father & grandparents were slaves in one of Stalin’s lovely Communist Gulags. Their lives could be ended at any minute. They were starved, beaten & suffered every indignity imaginable. Stalin’s death did not see an end to this system. A succession of horrid Communist dictators continued the practice. The Communist Soviet Union only fell in 1991. Let THAT sink in. Can you not see how it is difficult for people who suffered the most terrible forms of marginalization for CENTURIES (before Communism were absolute monarchs called CZARS, who held the masses in SERFDOM) would be hard-put to see how American slavery, that ended so long ago, affects black Americans today! MANY OF THEM WERE RAISED BY PARENTS WHO WERE SLAVES!!! Their ‘whiteness’ afforded them no privileges of any kind. As far as ‘moving through the world’ goes, they were not free to cross town! Even in my husband’s youth, you could get thrown into prison for the slightest ‘offense’ such as listening to banned music or reading a banned book.

      So often, when it comes to publicly addressing race issues, the most ill informed & ignorant people speak out. You epitomize the self-righteous face of the black racist, hiding behind victim history & your own transparent jealousy of white women. You overcompensate for these glaring flaws by lobbing unfounded accusations at a Russian woman whom even you cannot attribute a single racist slur or behaviour to. You even, grudgingly, admit that she loved her husband & she is a good mother to her children. YOU are the racist in your family.

    1. Hi. Thanks for reading and engaging. I have always used White and Caucasian interchangeably. Can you point me to resources explaining why it’s unacceptable? Google is giving me nothing. Thanks!

      1. Thanks for providing this resource Aria. I may be misreading the article, but seems that the author is attempting to separate Caucasian from White because Caucasian infers racism and oppression. I’d like to push back: The privileges associated with Whiteness were conferred through centuries of oppressing marginalized groups and forcing them to assimilate. It isn’t racist to discuss racism and point to a historical legacy of micro and macro oppression as the entry point into that conversation.

      2. You shouldn’t really Caucasian because the term refers to people from the Caucasus. There are many different groups in the Caucasus and not all will be coded at white. The Caucasus or Caucasia is a region at the border of Europe and Asia, situated between the Black and the Caspian Seas. The term white should be used to describe white people. Good article.

  1. I have to wonder how Scott Schaben’s wife feels about being a political shield for her husband’s views on race. Just recently, I was having a conversation with my oldest friend about her fear that her many White friends could use the old “one of my best friends is black” line to absolve themselves of racism and mean her. No person of color should have to bear the additional burden of racism being justified in their name (although, when’s the last time you saw anyone *name* that ubiquitous “black friend”?).

    Thanks for this post.

  2. Being a fat person, I have an inkling of what you are speaking about — someone who isn’t, has NO IDEA what the experience is like. Not the same thing, but it helps me “get” what you’re trying to say.
    Regarding Caucasian vs. white — “Caucasian” means people from the “region at the border of Europe and Asia, situated between the Black and the Caspian Seas …. located on the peripheries of Turkey, Iran, and Russia”. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caucasus). My ancestors are from the Scandinavia and Germany/Denmark areas. I don’t find Caucasian to be a derogatory term, simply not correct. It could be similar to calling a Mexican person “Dominican”, even though they are from Mexico, or calling a Palestinian person “Arab”.
    Then again, I’m not really “white”, I’m kind of pink,..
    I wish we didn’t have to have such “categories” to put ourselves and others into. Not sure what the alternative would be. And it IS important to remember the past, and how these categories came to be.

    1. Hi Carol. Thanks for reading and commenting. I am still not convinced that Caucasian strictly applies to those originating from that specific region. Caucasian can never be a derogatory term because it doesn’t have the lineage or power that negro, nigger and colored does.

      I understand the desire to be “post-racial,” but I have no interest in a society that doesn’t see race. I love being a Black American woman. I don’t want my identity to be associated with inferiority or purposely targeted for discrimination.

      Again, thanks for reading.

  3. If you strip away the excuses later added to comfort your brother; what I read was a women who wanted her husband to succeed and tried to open his mind to the possibility of having a better life. Sometimes a kick in the rear end can force a man to push himself into a place he didn’t think was possible. You sink or swim.

    Fear of success is what holds many people back and in their place. They become afraid of the reaction they will get from loved ones and friends, for those loved ones will sometimes try to keep that person where they are. They have a vested interest to do so because they fear they might lose that person as they grow and/or see themselves as a failure for not chasing their dreams or goals. Like a bucket of crabs, if one tries to climb out the others will grab him and pull him back in. Having the courage to ignore those who do not support you or even remove them from your life is what gives someone the ability to succeed. Look for those people who say you can’t do something and walk the other way.

    1. Hi Dante. Thanks for reading and responding. You are derailing the purpose of the blog post by taking it another direction. I am addressing the ways that White supremacy and White privilege impact interracial relationships, using my brother and former sister-in-law as an example. It has less to do with expectation and “crabs in a barrel” and more to do with how her perceptions of his manhood were developed to begin with.

      Again, thanks for reading.

      1. The way in which you addressed it was wrong though. As he said. You looked at the situation completely wrong. His wife was only trying to help him transcend his current position. What did your want her to say? Nothing? Hell yeah we were oppressed and we don’t necessarily have things working in our favour but it’s still not an excuse. That is not a winners attitude. And it’s that same mentality that many blacks have and it is only preventing us from progressing as a people. Yes he have it hard. I think about it but I really honestly don’t care and that’s why I’m doing so well compared to my other black counterparts.

  4. Thank you for this post. I dated a Hispanic man before and i though that he and his family was racist tward me at times. He would claim he wasn’t because “he loves black girls” and “his friends are black” yet wouldn’t hesitate to say something negative about blacks and even his family would use the n-word around me the never call me it thank god but still. He was a walking contradiction and cheated on me with either white girls or other Hispanic and now is dating a hispanic girl. i will alway think he was a closeted racist

  5. Sigh. Yes. Just because you accept, tolerate, admire, like, be-friend, copulate with, love, marry, co-parent with someone of a different ethnic background does not remove your bias and bigoted attitude towards the group of people. I learned more about how racism plays out by have a white guy be in love with me.

    -Misfit Girl of Color
    http://www.notouchmyhair.com

  6. Wow this exactly what I was looking for when I typed “with someone black but still a racist” into the google search engine. I’ve found myself irritated by some of my friends who are married to black guys and still say racist things. It’s like they don’t think it counts now. If I follow up their comment with a “Hey that’s racist” they just say “Obviously I’m the least likely person to be racist Gabby.” And it’s old stereotypical stuff too like dancing, singing, sports, pretty much any old stereotype you can consider. Don’t even get me started on the whole Obama voting thing. Gah, the frustration!! Thanks for making my point so eloquently, and I feel bad for Schaben’s wife. Then again she may feel the way he feels. I’ve found that people never stop surprising you. 🙂

  7. As a white woman who was married to a Ghanian, I agree totally with what you are saying. Being in a relationship with an individual does not automatically mean you understand history, injustice etc. I continue to work very hard to understand African American history and the legacy of oppression because we moved back to America and I am raising my biracial daughter and black sons here. We are raised in a soup of bigotry and despite our best intentions, all of us go back to the default of how we are raised at some point. As a white mom, I long for the help of people of color to be mentors, friends and support for my kids in a predominantly white community. Don’t give up on us. Gently lead us, forgive us and pray for us!

    1. It is certainly true that marrying/partnering with/befriending a POC doesn’t negate racist attitudes or behavior that reinforces, intentionally or not, white supremacy. And this needs to be repeated again and again for those who would wish for a kumbaya world “beyond” race – a world that does not exist. That said, not all white folks who partner with POC share the same commitment to racial ignorance as your former sister in law. The distinction is important.

      Painting white folks in interracial relationships with a broad brush overlooks those whites who commit themselves to antiracism and recognize that though they will never be able to understand what it means to be black from your perspective, and they cannot magically erase the way in which white privilege garners undeserved rewards, they can nonetheless commit to confronting and dismantling racial oppression in their private and public lives.

      As we all know, POC must vet the racial politics of the folks we choose to involve ourselves with – regardless of their background. Partnering with another person of color does not guarantee that they are anti-racist either. We are all socialized in a cultural context that has as its historical basis white supremacy.

      Finally, I’ll just say that I find it hard to believe that your former SIL’s “whiteness” arose out of nowhere, without warning. Although it can be hard to ascertain these things from the outside in, I wonder what your brother’s vetting process was with regard to her racial politics and worldviews, if he had a process to begin with. Not to blame him for her racism, but as POC, our survival depends on our attempts to protect ourselves from foolishness and abuse, both in the world and in our private lives.. it can certainly happen that someone keeps their racism under wraps for long periods of time, but I wonder about the extent of your brother’s own commitment to anti-racism, as well as his own process for trying to ensure that his partner shared his values..

      Actually, I think this is an issue that extends to all couples, for those of us who see ourselves as progressive in any significant way — how do you vet your partner’s values? And what can we learn from the mistakes we make in our own process and processing?

      C.

  8. Ironically, I was searching for a funny INTERRACIAL pic to send to my husband & your “article” popped up. It was noteworthy to comment.
    I am a beautiful, white woman. My husband is a beautiful, black man. We have been together for 20 years. We have four, beautiful children. We love each other like life itself. We love our family. We live in the “dirty south”. And we are both unapologetically “racist”.
    Each insults the race & culture of the other. To point out a fault. To point out a flaw. As a weapon. To crack a joke about the others “cultural” preferences, behaviors, or traditions. Unguarded conversation is a privilege of marriage. This is OUR marriage.
    When in public, I don’t use my “black” family like some free pass into “black world”. Although many black people assume I identify with them because of my family, the truth is, I am white & the culture I identify with & relate to is “white”. Just like my husband is black & the culture he identifies with & relates to is “black”.
    My husband says he hates my George Strait & I hate nasty songs like, “Candy Licker”. But I like Betty Wright & he uses my phrases like “dadgummit”. I never clutch my purse or lock my door when I pull into a parking lot of black men. I feel no fear. I smile politely & if they cat call, (which they usually do), I say, “Sorry, boys! I’m married!”. Likewise, my husband doesn’t feel self-conscious or “out of his league” on a college campus full of white (& quite possibly “supremacists” Daddy’s) girls. I’d say he feels more like a kid in a candy store.
    We are what we are & no amount of talking (or writing) will ever change our heritage, legacy, or our devotion to our own race. We can say to ourselves, “The sky isn’t blue”, but nevertheless, it remains blue. Like racism; a reality you’ve demonstrated very well in your little speech to white folks; whom you believe are daring to presume on black sympathies. (Roll eyes). Not.
    I understand perfectly well that we are all a product of our culture, but I’ve never mistreated slaves as a slave owner & my husband has never picked cotton or experienced being a brutalized slave. Further, YOU cannot begin to comprehend the horror of what it must have been like to be a slave woman being beaten & raped by white slave owners. It’s insulting for pampered, modern-day black women in America to compare themselves or their experiences with racism to that of their oppressed & tormented ancestors (IF their ancestors did, in fact, partake of that suffering). Likewise, you don’t know what it’s like to be a white woman anymore than I know what it’s like to be a black woman.
    Interracial marriage. Frankly… I fell in love with a boy & he fell in love with a girl. Period. I didn’t care about his race & I certainly never cared to use him as some foray into his “black” culture; something I don’t even admire all that much! My husband is much more than all his particular local “culture” would define him to be. It’s a lofty miscalculation to believe that white people marry a black person expecting to be viewed as immune to race relations or be racially neutral. And visa versa. The only asset my husband ever cared to raid in my “white” culture were the PANTIES. I am proud to be “white” & he is proud to be “black”.
    Your article is one-sided. I am curious to know what your ex-sister-in-law would have say about YOU. You can paint her any way you please & tell her story from your angle; mocking her with terms like, her “Her Whiteness”. Yeah… YOU aren’t “racist” at all. Ha! “Her Whiteness” MIGHT truly be an unpleasant woman, but your account of her simply sounds jealous & petty. For all we know, your brother was a terrible philanderer & your sister-in-law was fed up with his cheating.
    I have never claimed to be less racist, simply because my husband is black. If anything… The connection has only made my “racism” far more complex & “informed” than it ever was before.
    I am white. My husband is black. We are racists.
    To end, the bloody murder of the unborn of all races should never be loosely termed “reproductive rights”. H is stance on this topic is the sole reason I dislike our current president & it has absolutely nothing to do with his RACE.

  9. Greetings Evette, Thank you for posting this article. I have a brother engaged to a caucasian female and he completely turned on me, it seemed, over night. I know he has his own mind, and possibly can make his own decisions about our relationship, but I believe that his wife has something to do with him flipping on me and making me feel like I’m not good enough to be in his white privileged world. I ‘m so confused about this. I am a Black nationalist and always have been. I am a Black female happily married with two beautiful children, educated, blah ,blah, blah.
    It is my observation that a man is nothing without his family, community and nation. When an African male or female decides to separate from his or her family, he/she separates from his/her commune, and his,her nation. Also, each area of human activity that can only be strengthened through family,
    community and nation unity such as , love, war, politics sex, economics, etc have been weakened. Thus we have these riff and big wholes in our already damaged armor from assimalation. Racism/White supremacy continues to ravage our children and families while we have yet another additive of wanting acceptance from whites so the ignorant majority of us believe our only solution to solving our community problem is to assimilate instead of repairing what has been damaged in our nation. I am tired of the attacks on African people who chose not to accept the post slavery, post racism doctrines set by the racists who hide behind them. African men and women need each other. You cannot have a strong black family without both parties being black, you cannot have a strong black community without mass inter-dependance, organization and dedication to a common goal be it unity, wealth, what ever. We cannot have that when we continue to adopt this individualism bullshit that is completely euro-centric in concept. We have forgotten that we have a duty to each other. Now, let me step down off y soap box for a sec and get to the meat of it. If a Black male or female is integrated into the very people who are descendants of white privilege and oppression, than he has to accept the white supremacist social doctrine that come along with it that says, and I’m not even scratching the surface here, “you’re a “good black”, You’re not like the “other” blacks we see on TV, or allow your woman or man to talk down to,or feel sorry for your “people”. You cannot stand up as a Black male/female complete and whole to defend, love, protect, and die for your people and vis versa if you are sleeping with the enemy.

    Now, to those caucasians that call me racist, let me tell you something. Until I subconsciously pressure you to wear Kente cloth to work and make it a standard for acceptance in my corporate world, suggest to you ,by my media to dye your hair black or brown, change your name to an African name, stop you from succeeding unless you act like me and others that look like me, give you my made up religion and force you to submit to it until you forget about your own spiritual practice for generations to come, make stereotypical movies about your community to discredit your kind, steal your culture and all your information that your ancestors created to recreate my doctrine, rewrite it and say I created it, separate your people based on shade, make you wear an Afro, braids, or locs in your hair as the standard of beauty, withhold resources and purposely detour you from starting a business to gain wealth and economic strength so that I can continue to suck your community dry and debase you for the sake of debasing, get other races to buy you out of business, get your own kind to say nasty things about you through all sectors of media, adopt your children and use them against you, have a history of raping the males and females of your race and work them to death, mentally castrate your men in your community, encourage you to marry within my race for a better way of life, and the list goes on and on, please, don’t call me racist. I am perfectly sane and simply aware of what’s going on. I hope you see where I’m going with this. That is all for now.

  10. Reblogged this on Steph's Blog and commented:
    That’s absolutely true. White America thinks they’re entitled to Black bodies without consideration or love whatsoever. It’s the racist entitlement mentality that gets under my skin to no end.

  11. I’ve experienced something that makes the term “closeted racist” feel more real to me. I’ve been in an intimate relationship with an Italian man who had always been terrific with me. Thinking about him always makes me smile. He’s very sweet, “old-fashioned sweetness” is how I’ll describe him. He identified himself early on as a man who was only attracted to black women. During a recent conversation I had asked if he would like a back rub. After replying “yes”, I pulled out a bottle of organic lotion that I purchased from a nearby department store. He stated that he didn’t like lotion because it left a “greasy” feeling on his skin. That, I could understand. Then he stated he didn’t need it because “I’m not black.” Because I have great respect for him I kept quiet. But I really thought it was an ignorant statement. He failed to realize that his reasoning for its use (ashy skin) is a byproduct of dry skin, something all races suffer from. His comment offended me. I thought of saying something but I’ve chosen to just “take it all in.” A little known phrase but packs a punch… KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!

  12. I agree with the white woman who said that she’s been married to a black man for 20 years. She’s right about slavery/slaves. It’s a damn shame that from the time slavery ended up until today, black women and men will discuss slaver or being a slave as if they actually experienced it. And blacks either don’t know or forgot that black people also had and sold slaves. Not all blacks were slaves and not all slaves were beaten and raped. Black women couldn’t’ve been so hurt and disrespected when after slavery, they were sleeping with white men. Till this day, older black females proclaim that white men are better than black men. Even if at least one white man did them wrong.

    There’s a 70-year old black female who was a white family’s live-in maid. (And she wasn’t forced to be their maid.) Within a few weeks, she began sleeping with her employer. She said that she felt like Cinderella when he made passes at her. Well, she ended up getting pregnant by him. He promised to leave his wife. Promised to marry her and live as a family with their baby. Said he was gonna buy her a home. He changed his tune when his wife found out about their affair. What the maid didn’t know was that the wife was the bread winner. And her husband knew also.

    During the confrontation, the husband admitted that “the maid” was just some azz. He didn’t really want her, and that his promises were just lies. And that he had no intentions on taking care of “her” baby. The “maid” was kicked out of the house and she was 8 months pregnant. The wife wasn’t a mean racist kicking a pregnant black woman out of her house.

    The black woman told me herself that the wife lent/gave her money, took her to doctor’s appointments (the maid told the wife that she was pregnant by someone else), even made it possible to obtain welfare benefits when she wasn’t entitled to the extra money. And to top it all off, the black woman referred to the wife as a bi**h a few times. Imagine that.

  13. I posted that to tell you this: STOP USING SLAVERY AS A CONVENIENCE! If black women REALLY felt as though white men were so bad, they wouldn’t live with them, marry them, nor have bebies with them.

    And its not uncommon for sisters to side with their brother. If your sister-in-law told your brother that he needed another job, it was probably for a good reason. With the cost of living skyrocketing, more money is required to live comfortably.

    Lastly, you sound like the type of black female who’s not only jealous, but you feel as though you’re qualified to be in your brother and his wifes’ business/marriage. Well, you don’t qualify. Do yourself a favor and geta life.

  14. Some of these people are just IGNORANT. I’m a white woman from New Zealand telling you I APPRECIATE your perspective and UNDERSTAND ENTIRELY what you mean by white oppression as I saw it myself when I went to America (in the Deep South) on a trip.

  15. As a white New Zealander that admires black culture, I think you blacks have suffered a lot, are still suffering from racial oppression, and have every reason to be proud of your culture and customs.

  16. My opinion is this with interracial unions..I think it is beautiful in 2014 because of the history of un-acceptance in American. I respect individuals who have a different opinion from me, because honestly the earth thrives on diversity with out there would be no humanity. I don’t know your brothers ex-wife and I don’t know what industry your brother is in but pushing someone to reach their full potential is not wrong. I agree with you that Yes, there are policies and programs in place in the U.S. that oppress, humiliate and target minorities in the U.S. in law enforcement (stop & frisk), public education (overcrowding & low quality educators), healthcare (underfunded and low quality), and housing (exclusionary zoning) and if your sister in law has never taken a stand with you and your brother at some point to combat these issues/policies then i see reason for your strife with her. I feel worse for your nieces if she is truly unaware of the black experience because at some point in America….she might have to stick up for them but will she…

  17. My opinion is this with interracial unions..I think it is beautiful in 2014 because of the history of un-acceptance in American I believe it is another step the U.S. is taking towards evolving as a country. I respect individuals who have a different opinion from me and hold true to the continuity and preservation of groups, honestly the earth thrives on diversity. Now, I don’t know your brothers ex-wife and I don’t know what industry your brother is in but pushing someone to reach their full potential is not wrong but, it can be taken the wrong way…..
    I agree with you Evette, that Yes, there are policies and programs in place in the U.S. that oppress, humiliate and target minorities in the U.S. in law enforcement (stop & frisk), public education (overcrowding & low quality educators), healthcare (underfunded and low quality hospitals/clinics), and housing (exclusionary zoning) and if your sister in law has never taken a stand with you and your brother at some point to combat these issues/policies then i see reason for your strife with her.
    I feel worse for your nieces….if she is truly unaware and disinterested of the black experience in American will she stick up for her black daughters when they need her….

  18. This is an interesting read. My initial impression, which I totally acknowledge may be incorrect, is that the author finds it very easy to paint all of the members of a race with a very broad brush. Not every white person harbors prejudice or sanctions racism. Some people are, in fact, aware enough of the human condition to be (at least mostly) immune from cultural conditioning. There are some people who simply do not use race as a tool to evaluate anybody – whether they be strangers on a street or people they interact with. I would respectfully ask the author to consider the extent to which some of her views have been shaped by “cultural conditioning” in a way that renders them as potentially hateful (and misguided) as those views that cause some people to clutch their purses or wallets when people of color approach them on the sidewalk. People are people. Period. Some people understand that. Some people don’t. Does the author?

  19. […] While this is one example of “racism” other cases have occurred from White male partner… There has to be some type of line drawn and proves that racism and ignorance is alive and well and many of these ignorant rants and lack of sensitivity have led to many divorces in interracial marriages. According to a study by the AP divorce rates are higher in mixed-race marriage, the study conducted determined that mixed-race couples had a 41 percent chance of separation or divorce, compared to a 31 percent chance for those who married within their race. […]

  20. “We can date and wed men and women from a myriad of cultures and ethnicities, but can never forget how white men raped our bodies without regard for our rights, emotions and sexual autonomy. These historical narratives matter as we navigate a Barack Obama-led nation where interracial couples are as accepted as apple pie and baseball”

    Here’s a theoretical thought. What if he’s not American and she’s not American and you weren’t living in America. My ancestors weren’t exactly gentry and we didn’t really have full Universal Suffrage till 1948 here. England was involved in slavery but there wasn’t any actually in England and my ancesters didn’t have the means to travel abroad they were all too busy arguing whether they were Catholic or Protestant. They were all poor and all lived in the same village and went nowhere socially and physically for hundreds of years … indeed back to the Norman invasion … So suddenly all the white privilege stuff starts to unravel at the seams when people say it in England. No one can plausibly say that we were all involved in the slave trade historically – although of course all of society was in on it on some level … but …it wasn’t a fully functioning democracy either before 1945. It wasn’t until after the first world war that the franchise was extended to women and the working classes and then democracy was partially suspended again for WWII. At least one of my ancestors was deported in the swing riots. So do I really have this mythical white privilege thing that everyone bangs on about? I dont know … – I just stare at them blankly. I mean in some instances you can point to it and say “yes, that’s there” but … equally in other cases it’s different … and one or two people cant change the world unless they’re in politics or something and everyone cant be in politics. As Boris Pasternak would say cutting out the tumours of injustice – that’s a deep operation. Someone must keep life alive while you do it. By living. Isn’t that right? So when you say white people dont know. We do. Because we can see the hate. But I suppose the point I’m making is if you had a completely different history what difference would it make and how would it make it different? Dont get me wrong the slavery thing’s still there but most of the time it sleeps in the Caribbean unless Nigel Farage is on Question TIme.

    1. I’m 51 years old silly. Ive never done the things you say. Are you older then me? What have I done? Stop blaming me for your failures despite your special privileges. Old white man saying. …Dont kick a man when h he is down…you mght give him incentive to get back up.

  21. Just another jealous angry black woman. If your sister in law had been a black woman and told your brother to find a better job would you still find it racist? You found it racist because she didn’t understand the black struggle?? Neither you,your parents,or siblings were ever enslaved and therefore will NEVER know the torture experienced by people hundreds of years before you existed.Yes, i’m on the bandwagon of blacks need to quit using the slavery excuse.My great grandfather was an Irish man who lived in New York during the NINA laws.Would it be acceptable to blame my personal failures or shortcomings on my Grandpas struggles?? You are a racist!!! There is too many African Americans that hold this ignorant view and you are perpetuating it.

    1. stop calling whites Caucasian and blacks African American , u are all racist for recognizing anyone’s color. We are all gods children ! If we have to label anyone …black American and white American are good choices but what about the mixed race people, lite brown Americans,? I know a kidney failure guy who is actually yello, must he be called yellow American? It’s 2015 can’t we stop with the labels yet? It all sounds so ignorant ! Love one another , should we not share that cuz Jesus looks white? It’s good advice regardless of skin tone! Just please stop,its never ok to point out someone’s looks, color, size, shape …
      its all very rude!

  22. You my friend are a racist.Being black does not exclude you.Russians never had black slaves.You logic is flawed. STOP hating racist. ..

  23. Many white folks just don’t get it! It took me decades before I understood it enough to understand my own racism. White folk dismiss the years of oppression as something that happened in the past and is no more. We don’t understand what it is to walk into a store and automatically be suspect due to the color of our skin. We don’t have to have “the talk” with our kids to tell them how to keep from getting killed by the cops simply for living their lives.

    As time goes on, I can only hope that more of my fellow white people will eventually get.

    Don’t get me wrong. As a white, male that enjoys loads of privilege everyday, I am not capable of understanding the whole plight of my friends and family of color.

    Thanks for helping someone like me to understand more.

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